A Kick In The Nuts For Bucs Fans

Just when you think Jon Gruden did something right…

Tampa Bay coach Jon Gruden enjoys amassing tight ends, and he added another one Sunday night when the Bucs signed troubled veteran Jerramy Stevens.

Are you kidding me? This is what the Bucs are spending $20 million in cap space on? Damn it!

“He’s a former first-round pick and he’s had some off-the-field issues that have hampered him a little bit,” Bucs general manager Bruce Allen said. “We’ve talked to him since the [March] incident and we had a very serious talk with him today. I think Jerramy Stevens is a good young man.”

Those off-the-field issues? Well, here’s number one. And here’s number two. Plus he got kicked in the nuts this season. But we shouldn’t be surprised by this move. This is a team that employs Mike Pittman.
(Also a special thanks to With Leather today, who posted a link to our NBA Playoff story from last night. Ten days in and the cool kids are already waving to us from across the cafeteria.)

The Market In The Bronx

Dead last in the AL East after April. A pitching staff that resembles a nursing home or a legion ball team (depending on who’s on the DL). And one of the greatest offensive months in baseball history wasted. Why?

It’s easy to blame pitching. But there is something else going on with this team. Baseball, like the stock market, has cycles. And the Yankee cycle continues despite their archrivals destroying them in 2004, an organ-eye-zation that seems to have put it together, and one that is ready to climb into respectability. (Sorry Orioles, there’s nothing compelling about you. Except your mustaches.)

The infusion of young talent that has kept the Braves afloat has not occurred with the Yanks. Robinson Cano is homegrown, as is Phil Hughes, but the Braves had a whole fleet ready in Richmond (Francoeur, Langerhans, Chuck Jones). The Yanks don’t have that (they even moved their long time triple-A affiliate from Columbus to Scranton). And when your payroll is $190+ million, you can’t rebuild. Hell, you can’t even reload because no one wants your overpriced starters.

Of course, all of this comes down on Joe Torre. And that’s where this is leading. Brian Cashman is not expendable because he is rebuilding the minor league system after years of it being controlled by baseball ops in Tampa. Jeter will remain captain, A-Rod is staying, and you can’t blow up the rotation in May. Of course, Torre has other things to worry about. And in a sign of solidarity, Cashman, Jeter, and A-Rod all defended Torre this weekend.

It’s too early to say how bad the Yanks will finish (they sucked in April and May of 2005 and still won the division). But I keep thinking of that graph Dr. Denslow showed us in Macro during sophomore year. The market will always rise. But there will be dips in the line, too.

Cocaine Is A Hell Of A Drug!

We’ve had too many Miami stories here on The Sporting Orange. I know the perfect story to make this place a little classier…

Former “American Idol” contestant Jessica Sierra threw a cocktail glass at a nightclub patron and ended up behind bars.

Yes! Oh, wait it gets better.

Police took Sierra to the Orient Road Jail, where her troubles mounted. There, police searched the singer’s purse and found a bag containing .8 grams of cocaine.

TAMPAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Why is this significant? Because she went to my high school and screwed up “O’ Canada” at the Toronto Blue Jays Spring Training opener in Dunedin. That’s sports, women, and Tampa. Three of my favorite things!)

‘Kazaam!’ Bulls ‘Steel’ Series From Miami ‘Blue Chips’

Kazaam! Just like that the Miami Heat are out of the playoffs after getting swept by the Chicago Bulls last night. “The Big Aristotle”, or “Wilt Chamberneezy,” as he dubs himself, led the Heat in zero categories, scoring just 16 points and grabbing seven rebounds. “The Diesel” also shot 0% from the free throw line, missing seven straight.

What a terrible weekend for Miami sports fans. First, the Dolphins pass up on Brady Qui–well no, first their football coach’s name is Cam Cameron. Second, they passed on Quinn for Ginn. And now this.

On a more positive note, the loss ensures greater safety on the streets of Miami. “Doctor Shaq,” or “Officer O’Neal,” as you may better know him, is sure to exercise his skills as an undercover cop throughout the off-season. Personally, we’d like to see him act more. We miss hits like Kazaam and Steel. We’ll also miss entertaining press conferences like this one during the NBA Finals.

Other scores…
Phoenix 113 LA 100 (Suns lead 3-1)
New Jersey 102 Toronto 81 (Nets lead 3-1)
Golden State 103 Dallas 99 (Warriors lead 3-1)

We’ll miss you, Mr .Chamberneezy.

Dolphins Find Cleo Lemon A New Wide Receiver

Following the Browns passing on Brady Quinn, everyone knew that the Dolphins should pick Quinn. Then this happened…

As a Tampa resident, I take a lot of pride in seeing Miami blow something so easy. And as a Gator, it will be fun watching Ted Ginn Jr. hop around in mini-camp with a brace on his broken foot. At least those usually laissez-faire Dolphin fans are taking this well. (Yeah, I used laissez-faire. I’m a poli sci grad bitches!)
They also drafted Slowrenzo Booker from FSU. I think Cam Cameron needs to get a real first name, and then get a new scouting department.

Lou Maurino’s NFL Mock Draft Spectacular Revisited

In keeping with accountability, we here at The Sporting Orange feel it’s necessary to revisit our very own Louis Maurino’s mock draft. As the following two images show, Lou had the foresight to see Detroit’s yearly hoarding of college football’s top receiver but failed to recognize Miami Dolphins head coach Cam Cameron’s genius in drafting a soft wide-out who refuses go anywhere near a linebacker (Dolphins fans reaction here). It was around that pick where Lou’s mock took a nose-dive.

We graded the draft understanding that trades were almost impossible to predict. We also awarded half credit to the correct player picked at the right position, despite a different team selecting them. Enjoy!

Final Grade: 7.5/32= 24%

We Play Some Defense In The South!

As of right now, there have been only two Gators drafted. I’m not surprised or overly pleased. That’s because these two guys represent a change in what the SEC and Florida is all about. Sure there was offensive fire power (the Fun n’ Gun, Peyton Manning, Hershel Walker and Bo Jackson) but now there is strength on defense (three SEC defenders in top 11 picks). Of the 10 SEC guys in the first round, six are defenders. All these guys have speed which was necessary to stop SEC teams. And, just as the NFL becomes more of a speed league, these SEC defenders are ready to step in.

Tomorrow, how Lou Maurino’s mock draft compares to the real thing. As for tonight, good night and lets hope Gaines Adams and Jarvis Moss are done visiting Mary Jane. (And the title of this post? It’s inspired by a drunk Gator fan at the UF-Michigan Outback Bowl my freshman year. He said “We play some ball down South!” to a Michigan fan. Good times.)

Steve Spurrier Must Protect This House!

Steve Spurrier made his Under Armour commercial debut today and boyy was it a doozy. If you watched any NFL Draft coverage at all, you saw it about a thousand times. But if you were absent, here it is in its entirety. We especially like how Spurrier holds his phone like a 12-year-old girl shopping at the mall.

Do You Trust This Man?

Because I don’t. You can accuse me of driving “The Fire Jon Gruden Bandwagon” (actually, I’m the damn conductor), but Gruden has been a blessing and a curse for this franchise. Yes he won a Super Bowl, but the Bucs sold off two first round picks, two second rounders, and $8 million to Oakland to get Gruden. Even today, the Bucs are still paying off that debt (in cash and players). The defense is old, the offense has no pop (except for Simms getting popped), and now this draft presents a challenge. Do you take the stud, which could include trading several picks/players? Or do you trade down, collect picks and use your $24 million in cap space to build over a few seasons? I want to see the Bucs go the second route but something tells me the Lions may be swimming in former Tampa Bay draft picks by the end of today.

If You Missed It…

Someone finally beat the Florida Gators in a championship
Shaq’s free throw shooting bites Miami in the iz-ass
Mel Kiper assesses your family’s impact
SportsPickle has reason to believe the Yankees pulled a switcheroo last night
Flashback: Jarvis Moss does not respect your heismens!