The SEC’s Hottest Women’s Athletic Programs

When The Sporting Orange was created one of our friends, Christian Bruey, came to us with a story. It was a story so important, it requires a slide show. Enjoy.

A couple months back Clay Travis of CBS put together an article ranking the coeds at the 12 schools that make up the Southeastern Conference. I’m not exactly sure how he did his research, but it seemed to be flawed with the gorgeous girls of Gainesville coming in at 11th. You can’t really go wrong with college students in the South, but what about the female student athletes in the south? How do the schools of the SEC rank according to looks? Well I used pure science and my extremely critical standards to put this together. Each girl was ranked by how much I would have to drink to make them attractive, with a 1 being sober and a 5 meaning there is not enough alcohol in any given college town to help this unfortunate soul. Below is a recap of each school with an accompanying slide show for visualization.

Editor’s Note: This slide show in no way represents each school as a whole. Christian’s research included every single girl on every team in the SEC. Thus, your perception could be skewed by the following outliers of hotness. Don’t be fooled. We saw Christian’s spreadsheets and bar graphs. The man knows his SEC.

#12: Ole Miss is known for their southern belles, but it’s southern beasts that are on its athletic rosters. The Rebels have an average of 3.552, including last place in tennis, volleyball, and basketball.

#11: Mississippi State just has a knack for less than attractive people and it shows with their female athletic program. The Bulldogs come in with a 3.405. The one bright spot for MSU is their soccer team. Props to head coach Neil McDonald for his keen eye for “talent.”

#10: LSU has some real elite talent, but a number of fugs that really brought the whole program down to a score of 3.386. They get some style points for lesbian relations between their former women’s basketball coach, Pokey Chatman, and a player.

#9: The Georgia Bulldogs female athletes have more of a resemblance to UGA IV than their sexy fans that always seem to be wearing the most revealing black tops with spray on red pants. The Dogs have a program average of 3.231 thanks to their hideous softball and soccer team.

#8: Arkansas‘ mascot is a pig, but there are surprisingly a number of very attractive Razorbacks thanks to their tireless recruiting in the hotbed of Texas. Even with that they only come in at eighth with a program average of 3.207.

#7: The Lady Vols dominate in women’s basketball and are ranked in the top five in softball, but that will not get them anything in these rankings. Their program average is at 3.183 which is just over a 12 pack in my book. Their national champion basketball team is fairly attractive as I have them ranked at number 2 in the conference while the tennis team really hurt them at tenth. Tennessee swimming also includes a familiar name who has avoided the donut shop, unlike her Fat Father.

#6: South Carolina just squeaks into the top half of the conference with a program average of 3.178. South Carolina pulled off the second best softball and volleyball team to go along with the third ranked basketball team. These girls even like to talk dirty as I have personally heard them yelling for cocks at sporting events.

#5: Vanderbilt does not even have an athletic program but they can recruit some pretty good looking ladies to put together a program average of 3.108. They have the best looking basketball and tennis teams in the SEC. Not to mention their soccer team which just barely finished in second.

#4: The Feisty Tigers of Auburn scratch their way into fourth with a program average of 3.079. They completely dominate the nation in swimming and maybe it’s because everyone else in the pool can hardly breathe because of their phenomenal good looks.

#3: The Girls from Gainesville take top fives in every sport but volleyball for a program average of 3.076. They may not be bringing home all the hardware like the football and basketball team, but at least they look good. Florida has some of the hottest gymnasts to go along with a smokin’ soccer team. Mmmmmm flexibility and firmness.

#2: The Alabama Crimson Tide are a very close second with a program average of 2.993. Their gymnastics team is the hottest women’s sports program in the SEC with a 2.286 average. Their coaches have also put together the most attractive volleyball team in the conference, second best tennis roster, and are number 3 in softball. The Tide could have grabbed the top spot if not for their basketball team coming in 10th out of 12.

#1: The Ladies from Lexington came in with a program score of 2.917. Their softball, swimming, and golf team really pulled the program’s weight with all three finishing at the top of their respective sports. You may be saying to yourself, “Well how hot is the hottest softball team in the SEC?” Well the Wildcats with the bats are hot, putting up a team score of 2.3 which is second only to Alabama’s gymnastics team. I’m sure Ashley Judd would be proud.